Power of Prayer

So it's occurred to both Phil and I that when people ask "how are you doing?" or "anything new?", we're never really sure what they're talking about.

I have to be completely honest about this whole situation- I'm probably not thinking about it as much as everyone else! God has granted me this awesome peace about the baby- and I know it's because you're praying for us. It's not that I'm sure about what's going to happen, or even that I think that God will completely heal our child (or that it was just a fluke). Of course I believe that God can heal our child if there's a problem, but I don't think that's the only way God could show us He loves us.

When I get asked "how are you doing?" I answer in terms of being pregnant. I'm tired all the time, lately I'm getting super moody, and I'm hungry. :) My morning sickness is thankfully gone, although I do get nauseous from time to time. It's really hard to sleep, already. I get cravings for normal food, but sometimes they cravings are bad enough that I'll think about it until I get to eat it.

In terms of the situation with the baby- we have so much to be thankful for.

• I'm thankful for all the people that have let us know this is not unusual. That was probably what I was thankful for the most at first. I had so many people telling me that they had the same thing happen with one of their children, while still acknowledging how scary and hard this time can be. 
• I'm thankful for being able to be busy. I think that's kept me from delving too far into my bad thoughts, and pitying us in this situation. Having 3 kids 4 and under really helps to keep me focused on right now, and not too much about future what-ifs.
• No matter how trivial it sounds, I'm thankful for people praying for us. I've said it to a few people, but almost immediately after I posted my last update, I felt relieved. I know it's because we had people who are helping to carry our burden. Thank you so much for supporting us, and walking through this journey with us. 

 I'm hesitant to put the exact date of the ultrasound out there, but as it gets closer, I'm sure I'll let you all know.  We do have a date set up for our Level 2 ultrasound in January. The baby will be much bigger by then, so if it was something developmental, it will be gone by then. If there's anything else, they will be able to see. Seriously, thank you for your prayers!

You might as well know (Please Pray!)

‎"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the

Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His

understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks

might He increases power.... Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new

strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get

tired, they will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:28-29,31


It seems to be, lately, that I've been doing a lot of waiting. Patience is a virtue I lack often. And when you pray for patience, be sure that God will give you something to help you develop that trait. I've heard it before, and I know from experience that it happens, but sometimes it's a trait you can't deny, and something mother's need.

In October, Phil and I found out that we are expecting our fourth child. This was, indeed, quite a shock, and even still is hard to grasp. Though I wanted another child (and Phil was not quite as sure), my plans were for a few years in the future. At one point I wanted to have my family completed by the time I was 30. As that age closes in on me, I realize that it's not as old as I once thought, and my family could wait a few years longer. The big mistake was probably trying to make that plan concrete with God. He seems to have a sense of humor when it comes to my family planning.

My first prenatal appointment went well. No heartbeat, but we figured I was a little too early. Because I was having trouble dating myself and how far along I might be, we scheduled an ultrasound. Some travel plans complicated my appointment, so I had to reschedule. I was to have my ultrasound on the 29th of November, and my regular appointment on the 8th of December.

The ultrasound went well although I wasn't too keen on the ultrasound tech. I left my appointment with the few standard pictures and a due date. The tech's farewell threw me off slightly- "I'll give these to the doctor, and after she assesses them, she'll give them to the midwife and then you'll discuss them at your appointment"- but I chalked it up to her not being my usual tech.

On Wednesday, I received the phone call no parent wants to have:

"I'm going to go over your ultrasound with you right now. We spotted an abnormality with the baby."

At that point, everything felt slow motion, including the things she was saying. I caught on to few words, like "possibly down syndrome" and "you'll need to see a specialist".

I'm not sure how I got through the next week and a half (well, I am sure- the prayers of those few but faithful who knew what we were dealing with). I was much more level headed at my next appointent. This is what my midwife told me: they spotted swelling in the back of the baby's neck/spine. It's characteristic of a baby with down syndrome, however it could just be the stage of development our baby was in (and maybe less likely, an issue with the heart).

We've chosen to tell people what's going on for one reason- prayer. This is one of those situations were Phil and I are basically sitting helplessly by, wondering what is going on with our unborn child. Some days I feel so unsettled, but even in those times, God has blessed me with a peace. After my ultrasound, before I knew what we might be dealing with, I looked at those pictures and thought "I love this child", and really felt quite emotional about it. That love has and will undoubtedly stay the same, regardless of the circumstances or outcome.

There is nothing we can do besides pray. We need prayer for strength (as I'm feeling exhausted with 3 running around already!), and calm. And yes, patience.I'm so appreciative of those few who knew, and your prayers. I find comfort in being surrounded by our family in Christ. In my next blog, I plan on telling talking about the things I'm thankful for thus far in this short, but tiring journey (I'm mostly just putting that down as a reminder to myself). There are things that I've already been comforted with, but this is too long already.