I am really good at being stressed out.
It's something that I don't have to practice. It just comes naturally.
One of the things that God has blessed me with is my love of psychology. If not for other people, for myself. What does this have to do with being stressed out? I've become really good at self analysis, and in turn, really good at snapping myself out of it. But it's not always been this way, and I've really had to, and still have to, work hard at relaxing emotionally.
So much of my life has been up in the air. I feel like I've lost a lot of control of what's happening around me. By past experience, feeling out of control of my life can be dangerous. Don't get me wrong- I'm not super strict with myself or kids, but I do like the illusion of control.
On one particular day that I was feeling extremely out of control, I had a God moment. Don't you just love those? It was just a gentle reminder, but it felt like a punch in the gut.
I sometimes wonder why God doesn't speak to me in an audible voice. Or even in a subtle one. Why I can't just open the Bible and see what I need to see for my trouble. Usually the answer is that I get in my own way.
This day that was out of control and I was beginning to feel sorry for myself. There was no plan for anything and I couldn't create one. I felt helpless. After about two to three hours of complaining in my head, I realized what I'd been reading for my personal devotions. The story of Joseph in Genesis had been in my reading for a few days (starting in Genesis 37).
Talk about not having a plan or being able to create one.
Through all of Joseph's uncertainty in his life, all he did was trust God. My brothers trap me in a pit? Sell me as a slave? Go to the top in my masters home, then get thrown in jail? Get forgotten in jail? No problem. Maybe his complaining was edited out, but I believe that Joseph just trusted God- mostly because he was forgiving of his brothers right away, and his successes in Egypt, which I don't think he would have achieved with a poor attitude.
When I thought of all Joseph had gone through (and not just in a 4-5 week period either) I felt slightly ridiculous for my attitude. What in my life has been so uncontrollable that I could not trust God?
I just love the story of Joseph and his reconciliation with his family. Part of my favorite passage is Genesis 45:5-8 "5 Now do not be grieved or angry [e]with yourselves, because (G)you sold me here, for (H)God sent me before you to preserve life. 6 For the famine has been in the land (I)these two years, and there are still five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvesting. 7 (J)God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant in the earth, and to keep you alive by a great[f]deliverance. 8 Now, therefore, it was not you who sent me here, but God"
Oh to have the faith to say "it was not you, but God". God is in control of all of my situations, even the ones that seem uncontrollable. I am humbled that I have a God that would care enough about me and my bigger picture to be in control of my situations. I am sure there were times that Joseph wasn't sure of what God was doing. There may have been times where he questioned what was happening.
I think I may always be prone to feeling stress, but I can change the way I handle it. Even in mine and my child's unsure situation now (which is for another time), I can trust that God is in control. He is handling my situation, and when it's all said and done, I can say, "it was God". Truly.
