It's hard to explain the feelings you get when you know God is moving you, and working on you. There is definitely a sense of fear. "Am I supposed to be doing this? What if I'm wrong? What if I go through all of this and end up the same? How am I going to get through this?"
There's a sense of anxiety. I've mentioned before that I'm an anxious person, but I think most would agree that when there's a big decision that needs to be made, there's also a sense of anxiety. When will I know? How long will this take? When will this be over?
But there's also a sense of relief, and a sense of thankfulness. We've asked God for this. We've asked Him to work in our lives and to show us what He wants, and it's happening in such a real way.
This has been one of the toughest transitional times in my life (I'm sure in Phil's too, but I'm only going to speak for myself). I've experienced such love and acceptance here in Florida. There have been tough times along the way, but I don't think I've felt unloved. For the majority of our time here, we've had no family members living near, and our church family stepped in and filled that role. I've made great friends, and so have my children.
But when God moves, you go.
It sounds so simple. So definite. And in some ways, it was. But saying goodbye will never be easy. Leaving behind the life we've known for 6 years, the place my children call home, will not be easy. It is the place I've had 3 of my children. Where my job has been so much more than that, and has allowed me to come and go as I see necessary for my family. Where my students have turned into friends, and sometimes even my teacher. The place where people have walked in and out of our lives, for different seasons of time, as God saw fit. No, it won't be easy leaving.
But I look forward to the blessings of our next ministry. I look forward to the new friends we'll make, the lives we'll touch, and that will touch us. I look forward to God showing us what He's working on. I'm excited for the new opportunities we'll have. And of course, I look forward to being closer to family.
I won't say personal goodbyes through this blog. It would take forever, and I'm sure I'd get tired and my brain would get fuzzy and I'd leave people out. But if I haven't said goodbye, it's not because I don't care. It's because I don't want to. I am at the moment living in denial, but it will become all too real this week.
I'll just say that you all will not be forgotten. You've walked with my family through some of our toughest times. You've shared in our joys and in our sorrows. You've encouraged and mentored us. You've helped me to be a better mother and wife. You've been our friends and our family in times of need. There is no easy way to say goodbye. But we hope it won't be goodbye.
