You might as well know (Please Pray!)

‎"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the Lord, the

Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His

understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks

might He increases power.... Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new

strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get

tired, they will walk and not become weary." Isaiah 40:28-29,31


It seems to be, lately, that I've been doing a lot of waiting. Patience is a virtue I lack often. And when you pray for patience, be sure that God will give you something to help you develop that trait. I've heard it before, and I know from experience that it happens, but sometimes it's a trait you can't deny, and something mother's need.

In October, Phil and I found out that we are expecting our fourth child. This was, indeed, quite a shock, and even still is hard to grasp. Though I wanted another child (and Phil was not quite as sure), my plans were for a few years in the future. At one point I wanted to have my family completed by the time I was 30. As that age closes in on me, I realize that it's not as old as I once thought, and my family could wait a few years longer. The big mistake was probably trying to make that plan concrete with God. He seems to have a sense of humor when it comes to my family planning.

My first prenatal appointment went well. No heartbeat, but we figured I was a little too early. Because I was having trouble dating myself and how far along I might be, we scheduled an ultrasound. Some travel plans complicated my appointment, so I had to reschedule. I was to have my ultrasound on the 29th of November, and my regular appointment on the 8th of December.

The ultrasound went well although I wasn't too keen on the ultrasound tech. I left my appointment with the few standard pictures and a due date. The tech's farewell threw me off slightly- "I'll give these to the doctor, and after she assesses them, she'll give them to the midwife and then you'll discuss them at your appointment"- but I chalked it up to her not being my usual tech.

On Wednesday, I received the phone call no parent wants to have:

"I'm going to go over your ultrasound with you right now. We spotted an abnormality with the baby."

At that point, everything felt slow motion, including the things she was saying. I caught on to few words, like "possibly down syndrome" and "you'll need to see a specialist".

I'm not sure how I got through the next week and a half (well, I am sure- the prayers of those few but faithful who knew what we were dealing with). I was much more level headed at my next appointent. This is what my midwife told me: they spotted swelling in the back of the baby's neck/spine. It's characteristic of a baby with down syndrome, however it could just be the stage of development our baby was in (and maybe less likely, an issue with the heart).

We've chosen to tell people what's going on for one reason- prayer. This is one of those situations were Phil and I are basically sitting helplessly by, wondering what is going on with our unborn child. Some days I feel so unsettled, but even in those times, God has blessed me with a peace. After my ultrasound, before I knew what we might be dealing with, I looked at those pictures and thought "I love this child", and really felt quite emotional about it. That love has and will undoubtedly stay the same, regardless of the circumstances or outcome.

There is nothing we can do besides pray. We need prayer for strength (as I'm feeling exhausted with 3 running around already!), and calm. And yes, patience.I'm so appreciative of those few who knew, and your prayers. I find comfort in being surrounded by our family in Christ. In my next blog, I plan on telling talking about the things I'm thankful for thus far in this short, but tiring journey (I'm mostly just putting that down as a reminder to myself). There are things that I've already been comforted with, but this is too long already.